There is a game I play in my head, and yet, it’s a game I was never taught by anyone other than myself.  It’s a game that just came naturally to me, a person who is an expert at beating themselves up for even the smallest of things.

It’s called "Am I fatter than her?"  See, when I’m in public, I often find myself evaluating my body size/shape against other women whom I see at the mall, at the store, on the train.  It’s not meant to be fun or cruel to anyone- with the exception of it being cruel to my self-esteem.  It’s so tiring, all this comparing and evaluating and inner dialogue, and yet, I find it hard to keep myself from doing it.  But why am I always measuring myself against others?  Why do I care so much?  Am I the only freak that does this?  Am I really that self-loathing?  What is accomplished by this?

Just a random thought that came to me this morning when thinking about a blog topic. 

*Today’s Alternative to Chocolate (a.k.a. my current guilty pleasure): Buying myself flowers